Lost

I sit on the bench enjoying conversation with a friend as our kids run and play.  Inside I'm really on edge wondering if Brayden can hold it together for this play date. I see Brayden heading my way looking defeated. I give my friend the look and she knows this is the end of our play date.  My 8 year old, normally confident and fun loving son starts sobbing "nobody likes me. I want to go home"  There is no use negotiating or telling him otherwise.  He has lost all mental flexibility this week and the way he views our world is the way it really is in his mind.

I want to say "suck it up" but my heart tells me that won't go well.  That darn strep monster is eating at his basil ganglia again. The part of the brain that controls emotion is being attacked.  My son doesn't have a strep infection.  He is actually very healthy at the moment.  Instead, his brain is being attacked by the left overs from an infection months ago.  The antibodies that his body made to attack the strep infection have become confused.  Those antibodies now think that his brain is what needs attacking.  I really wish they would stop. Weeks ago this same kid would have to be pried off the playground in the middle of some game he created with his friends.  But today, nobody wants to play with him because there are no games. There is no creativity. He can't even come up with a conversation.  He is lost.

So we head home. He fights with his sister the whole way and our night begins...