Throughout my life, I have struggled with making decisions. I thought the toughest was deciding whether to attend Michigan State or Central Michigan University. Years later I was faced with the decision of whether to quit a PhD program or continue to go in debt and miss my family. I thought those were pretty big decisions and too often then not, I based my decisions on what society thought I ought to do rather than what felt right. Then I became a parent.
I bought all the gear I was told I would need. I gave Rooster the whole schedule of vaccines. I put him in daycare and walked away when those tears clearly called for me. I continued to push forward in my career because that was what I was suppose to do and I wanted the white picket fence life. Then things happened. I started to question the easy road. I started to see that the gear did not make me a good parent. That at the end of the day, no one really cared if I got that promotion at work. The only thing that mattered was the welfare of my children and my marriage. They cared. They are my life. It took me a long time to figure this out and it changed the way I make my decisions.
Society tells me that my baby girl should be sleeping in her crib all night but my heart tells me she still needs my warmth and comfort. Society told me that Rooster should have went to school last year, but my heart told me he wasn't ready. Society tells me that I should have a big house and two cars but my hands tell me they can't clean that much house. Most of all, society told me I shouldn't throw away 11 years of government service to raise my children. We all know society was wrong with that one. It has taken a long time to learn this, but I now know that I must make decisions based on my best interest and not what "society" deems trendy, normal, or necessary. So if my child's vaccination schedule doesn't meet the norm, you can bet there is a good reason. If our house is a little smaller, you can bet there is a good reason and if I'm still breastfeeding a 2 year old, you can bet there is a good reason.
I write this blog selfishly tonight for me. I hope it motivates you to continue to make your decisions in life for all the right reasons. Although I don't regret any of mine, I'm glad I've learned to make them now with my priorities in order.